Adventures in Arabic: Origins of the Word "Bethlehem"

Doug, our friend Seth, and myself have been taking weekly Arabic lessons from a private tutor for a couple of months now. Well, okay, "weekly lessons" gives the impression that we are attentive language students who practice daily and look forward to each lesson with the eagerness equal to the opening of a Godiva box.

'Tis not always so... we've taken a short sabbatical, but recently got back on the horse to learn some more adverbs to ad to our "I'm not a Jew, you're a Jew!" conversations. Which, by the way, sounds like this: "Ana mu yahoodi, enta yahoodi!" Feel free to practice with your friends a co-workers. It's a laugh-riot.

Moving on. I suppose in an effort to keep us interested in the material, our teacher started a section on food and questions applicable to restaurant situations. We learned that the word for meat is pronounced "layham." But not just "layham;" it is "ham" with that hhh that sounds like a throat affliction. Practice that. Now turn to a friend, with conviction, say "layHam." Good. One of the first words we learned was "bayt." Pronounced like "bait," or jailbait, it means house.

As an interesting side note; the Arabic language doesn't have a letter for the p sound, nor do they have a letter that is a straight up i vowel. So, in the event you are printing a story about the internationally coveted Brad Pitt, his name is read Brad Bayt, or Brad House.

Okay, back to my lesson. We now have the ingredients for the word Bethlehem, or Bayt-layHam. Translated as "The House of Meat." So, just to clarify; Mother Mary traveled the desert by donkey to the House of Meat where she bed down in a stable to give birth to the Baby Jesus among the shepherds, sheep, and cows. Incidentally, the word for cow is "bocar," and when specifying your choice of cow meat you would ask for "lay-Ham bocar." Practice that one, "layhambocar." Now, turn to a friend and say "Abi layHam bocar, fil bayt layHam." (I want cow meat in the house of meat).

Congratulations! You have completed your first Arabic lesson and learned how to call some one a Jew, translate Brad Pitt's name into Arabic, ask for cow meat, and the origins of the word Bethlehem.

You're welcome.

Tune in again for more Arabic lessons and vagina insults. (Yeah, that's the worst kind of burn out here. Apparently since women are Satan's chosen instruments, their privates are actually portholes into hell itself. And you know what they say, the path to sin is a slippery slope...)