What exactly is a "Mango"? This very distinct and all too popular male "up-do" is the result of too much free time, an unhealthy dose of vanity, and the complete lack of bitch-slap-your-dumb-assness going on in this spoiled country. Mangos are the over styled Fred Durstified knockoff of
Typically seen engulfing the heads of cocky pre-teens, full on teen angsters, and post teen prime I'm not 25 yet dudes; this hair style is usually accompanied by two or three of the following fashion accessories:
1) Huge Beckham style mirrored sun glasses
2) Prayer beads. Not for praying, mind you, these are twirled and twisted to look coolly unamused or possibly impatient with whatever service person is currently ruining your day.
3) The latest model mobile communiqué gadget complete with dangly charm.
4) Enough clothing layers to outfit an extra person or two,
5) A bedazzled belt to match your bedazzled jacket, and/or a bedazzled, name-brand fanny pack (yeah, I guess Sean Jean finally found a niche market for his overstock of man purses).
In America these walking clichés would be a rare jewel roaming suburban malls and high school partying lots, but here in the land of zero fashion consequences, the Mango reigns supreme.
Upon closer inspection we began to decipher separate species of hair styles and it was decided that like the icon of hairstyle anomalies, The Mullet, we needed to organize The Mango into categories. The following list is a work in progress. We hope to be adding real live photo examples of Mangos in their natural habitat for your viewing entertainment. This is what we have so far:
Mohango : mohawk mango. Growing in popularity among the emo bands as well.
Fanmango : fan mango. The front fans straight off the forehead in a glorious crown.
Mullango : mullet mango. This is real beaut! The fusion of two legendary hair styles on one head.
Frango : afro mango. Reserved for Afro-Arabs and those rare but lucky redheaded afros.
Animango : animae mango. This guys is ready to Dragon Ball Z fire ball you - any time, any place.
Porcupango : porcupine mango. Self explanatory, although points are lost (no pun intended) for neglecting the lower hairs just above the neck line. If you're going to Porcupango, you have to commit.
Stillango : stilletto mango. These guys deserve their own category just because of the amount of time and care that goes into arranging their hair into perfect spikes somewhere between Animangos and Porcupangos.
Hurricango : hurricane mango. One of my favorites; this specimen looks like the result of 120 mph cross winds preserved by flash freezing.
Badabango : Bada Bing Baby! Picture Elvis after a turbo blow-dryer and a round brush.
Pompadango : pompador mango. More old school than the Mohango, and more Fonzerelli than the Badabango... this guy could be the upright bass player in a gay Mango Mash airport lounge band with Badabango on keys.
And a Mango Gango : any group of two or more Mangos traveling together. Mangos are a pack animal; forming tight social bonds grooming rituals.
Stay tuned for updates and photo evidence of the life and habits of the Kuwaiti Mango.
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